


Contemplation

by Kitashi



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Alternate Universe - Future, F/M, Nessian - Freeform, Nesta POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-03
Updated: 2016-09-03
Packaged: 2018-08-12 17:44:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7943470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kitashi/pseuds/Kitashi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>100 years have passed, and as Starfall comes to the Night Court once more, Nesta thinks back on how her life has changed, and where her future may go.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Contemplation

**Author's Note:**

> Another Nessian Week fic! This fic was for the prompt "Festival Nights", and also includes part of an anon request on Tumblr for Nesta’s feelings on how Feyre & Rhys are as rulers of the Night Court, & generally her views of it all. She is much more mellow, but I like to think a century might give Nesta some time to calm down lol
> 
> Also, the song that inspired this, & this is playing for them is “Lost Girls” by Lindsey Stirling, from her new album Brave Enough. If you haven’t listened to it, you totally should. I hope this fic isn’t too terrible & that you like it! Thank you so much to @illyriantremors for helping me tie up my ending after I curveballed myself into a corner! You are the best!!!

I couldn't believe it had been one hundred years.

In my life, I never thought I would live this long; humans didn't have this kind of lifespan. But as fae, a century passed in the blink of an eye.

The day of my own Making was a clear, sharp memory, but in between was more fuzzy. The war with Hybern had happened more than a human lifetime and a half ago. The people we once knew in our village, our father… they were all dust, buried in now rotting wood six feet under. Outside of the occasional twinge, I honestly couldn't say I felt any grief anymore for losing them.

And yet, myself and Elain, we looked barely a day older than that fateful day. We had a few scars from the war, but other than that, you wouldn't know. I could see Elain standing off to the side with her mate Lucien, enveloped in his arms as she excitedly looked at the sky and he softly looked at her with such love it made my heart ache. I felt bad that I had tried so hard to keep them apart; he treated her the way I thought no man would ever be able to attain, had surpassed my expectations for what I would want for her. She was happy.

Feyre and Rhys stood at the front of the crowd, their Inner Circle with them, preparing the crowd for the coming Starfall.

Starfall.

I had never thought in my life that something so beautiful could exist. Words couldn't even begin to describe what it was like, no matter how many lifetimes I lived.

The Night Court was a beautiful place even on a normal day. Feyre had taken to being High Lady like a bird to flight, which was more than fitting considering the Illyrian wings she now boasted at nearly all times, thanks to her shapeshifting abilities.

I knew I would never be able to make up for how we treated her, how I had treated her. But that she hadn't let all the things she had experienced and suffered change her… the beginning of which was our fault, and mostly mine at that. It was a testament to just how good of a soul she really was. The same went for her mate. They were merciful, but they were fair. Despite the easy, almost carefree smiles they wore now, you would never know what they did to keep the peace they had achieved. In years past, I’d been less than eager to admit it, but the Night Court, and Prythian overall, was made better by them.

Their Inner Circle was never far behind at these events. Morrigan and Azriel had started to be more open about displaying affection, but it was clear Azriel never felt worthy. There was a time I would have scoffed at them, called them out for it even, but I had no room to throw any stones.

My eyes fell to Cassian, who stood to Rhysand's right, hazel eyes scanning the crowd, watchful as always. He and Azriel had been through enough to know there was no such thing as true peace. He met my gaze, and he gave me one of his lazy grins.

He still knew how to make my temper rise, even if it was less often than it used to be. We had danced around each other for the better part of the century, tripping into bed when we were drunk and feeling lonely, which became more frequent as the years passed. But the look in his eyes when he stared at me… It was a fire that never seemed to be extinguished, but sad at its core.

I really didn't have a decent excuse for why we weren't together; not anymore at least. But despite his flirtations, I just couldn't bring myself to stop stalling.

“Nesta.” I was jerked out of my thoughts by his deep voice. I looked up, and found him smirking at me.

“Cassian.” My voice came out cooler than I intended, but he didn't even flinch. He’d been around me for too long.

He opened his mouth to say something, but the lights dimmed and crowd began to cheer. The first star spirit had crossed the sky overhead. He smiled and held up his cup to me in a toast, and took a deep drink of the liquid that I strongly suspected was spiked with faerie wine. I followed suit with my own cup, and the music started up as the star spirits streaked across the sky.

Cassian laid his cup on the edge of a nearby planter before holding his hand out to me. “Dance with me?”

I hesitated. On one hand, I didn't want anything to do with him. Even though we had become more comfortable around each other, slapping a smirk off his face when he made a suggestive comment was still a frequent occurrence when we had what Rhys and Feyre insisted on calling one of their ‘family dinners’.

His smile faltered, and I felt a twinge of guilt; something I wouldn't have felt when I first came to Prythian. Without thinking, I grabbed his hand and dragged him to the dance floor.

Morrigan spotted us and waved us over to join their circle of dancing, but suddenly Cassian pulled me in a different direction, towards a more secluded part of the party.

The music suddenly became more upbeat, and Cassian sped up our movements, spinning me with precision to the sounds of the surprisingly complimentary violin and drums. I let the feeling of the music dictate my movements, and soon was lost in the spins and the laughter it elicited from me.

As the music quieted down, changing to similar but different violin music, Cassian spun me one final time before bringing me close to his chest in a cradle of his arms. Nowhere I could run, but I knew that if I really wanted to leave, he would let me.

We danced slowly, just letting the music wash over us, before he finally broke the silence. “What happened to us, Nes?” His own nickname for me. I didn't even let Elain call me anything but Nesta.

I was disarmed by the seriousness in his voice. After a long moment, I finally spoke. “I don't know.” It wasn't a good answer, but it was the only answer I had. If I was honest though, I knew exactly what had happened, and it was all my fault.

We swayed in silence for awhile longer before he broke away with a sad smile, and turned back towards the party. Like it always ended. And I decided I was tired of it.

“I love you too, Cas,” I suddenly blurted out. I covered my mouth, mentally swearing at my own brash stupidity. He froze midstep.

“What did you say?” His voice was so quiet I almost didn't hear him. I swallowed hard.

“I should have said it when you first told me. I shouldn't have ran. And I know it's too late now. But I love you too.” The words hung in the air between us. All I could think about was the day he’d bared his soul to me, and I’d ran; rather than face it head on, rather than admit I’d fallen for this equally brash, hotheaded male that protected those he loved as fiercely as I had Elain, I ran.

He didn't say anything.

I looked down, finding my shoes very interesting in that moment.

Suddenly, a calloused hand lifted my chin up and a pair of warm lips captured mine, hard. I felt my eyes widen before fluttering shut, as they always did whenever he did this, and I clung to his neck, trying to anchor myself to the present. I couldn't deny he was a good kisser, but then I had thought that decades ago already. We finally broke apart for air, panting a little from the lack of oxygen.

“It's never too late, he said softly, almost reverently. “Not for you.”

I could feel tears pricking at my eyes, but as they started to fall he wiped them away gently. He wrapped me in his arms again, lovingly. Like Lucien held Elain. He kissed the top of my head.

“I love you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you thought! All comments and suggestions are welcome, & if you have a POV/scene you would really like to see, please let me know! Thank you for reading!
> 
> Also, I have a writing Tumblr! If anyone is interested in talking & discussing ACOTAR, ACOMAF, or giving suggestions/asking questions, I can be found at _<http://kitashiwrites.tumblr.com>_.
> 
> Hope to see you there!


End file.
